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2023, bye Felicia!

As always there’s lots of reflection happing over here. I need to circle back to my 2020 end-of-the-year post. There are plenty of sayings I had this year and some experiences that led this year to be very challenging for my mental health. This year was the first time I considered taking meds for my cyclical depression and verbalized that to others. It was a year of seeing a lot of expectations missed and blown up in my face. But there were moments…and those moments were tea light candles on my path this year.

  • “Its a John 10:10 year.” Truly we should have life and have it more abundantly. I grasped onto this verse really at the end of 2022 but it carried over into this year. I wore the Ankara symbol all summer for abundance. I wanted to see it and pursue ‘more life’ every day. I wanted this for you. #achieved
  • “Quit that Job!” Please, a beg. Quit things that are not serving your soul. I had to say it early and often but it became clear looking at others who made the leap (and how they are now working in their gifting) I realized my opportunity cost was too high. It was time. While I struggled from the beginning of May until I handed in my resignation on August 31, I knew my writing was on the wall. Then it became a bit more than that. While the prophecy early in 2022 was that God was placing people. It was clear in 2023 he wanted us to release things that held us back. For every one that heard me say “Quit that job”, please understand that was divine exhortation. To those who followed the directive, you already know. God is on the other side of that decision.
  • Cameroon, a life-changing trip. After I returned, I had deep convictions about changing the way I was living. I also had to take stock of my desires/goals and what I really want to do in this life. I could not readjust. The rest of the year, it was like I had just flown from Douala the day before. Everything was so fresh and tangible from that trip…and still is! How could I keep going into this office when Bafoussam was waiting on me. It was like a countdown clock started.
  • Black August. I was anticipating Black August this year thinking that there was definitely going to be some shaking up and maybe we would even get a Black History Bootcamp series. Even though the series never came, the uprising did. And it did not disappoint. The Montgomery Brawl and Scuba Gooding Jr. did everything I needed to honor what I was called to do. I had to resign in August. It was the comedic relief the historical prologue I need to continue through the year. And that was just the first week. As the month went on the revolts went on, more people resigned, more boycotts, and I had seen enough. I need someone to do a thesis on the implications and effects of Black August.
  • Balance. I was thrown around like a punching bag after August with a severe medicinal allergic reaction, a breakup, painful news, and grieving my former life. The life that I had built for seven years in DC. I STRUGGLED from August 1st through the time I’m pressing the keys now. I needed a lot of support and I’m thankful for those who showed up and checked in. Its been a growing period for me and my support group to realize what they can and cannot do for me, accepting that, and acting on what they are able. I struggled with discontentment at very deep levels and had to remove expectations from my thought process. Whew, but even in the struggle, I found balance. Most days I just needed hugs I couldn’t get, other days I was disappointed that no one practiced my years-long ministry of presence with me. I found stillness and silence as my spiritual practice. Meditation was regular. And in those moments gratitude washed over me and I sat on top of peace. Those moments kept me just sane enough to prepare me for the next day.

So what am I into for 2024?

  • Soul restoration. I’m trying to get it back in alignment with my body and spirit, they are willing but my soul just needs rest. Taking all recommendations here.
  • Africa. I’ve been here since mid-November, I’ll let y’all know when I’m coming back. Don’t know yet. Working for (and on) myself and building business here in the meantime.
  • Flexibility. In the physical sense, I think flexibility will help me tremendously with my stress. Let me know if you want to hop on a video call and stretch with me.
  • Vision. I would like to be eager to dream and execute again. There’s not much that has moved me from maintaining my status quo. I want to be excited about building things and working again. Yes, I’m burnt out and need a break, but seeing people going after their ideas has me with a bit of FOMO.
  • Sustainable living. I’ve been here but I’ll be ramping it up this year, I want a sustainable house. I’m tired of sweating in concrete buildings and having to purchase ACs (I purchased 2 this year, no bueno).
  • Family. We need a family reunion ASAP.

I’ll get there, one small step at a time.

Published in Faith Health Personal


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